Sunday, October 12, 2014

The Day I Lost My Self Esteem

My best friend, supposedly, was LeaAnn. She and I were in a fight. It was probably over our religions. She was a staunch Mormon and testified to me constantly. I went to St. Joseph's Academy and was baptized a Catholic when I was a baby. She could talk about Mormonism for hours, but I couldn't tell her much about the Catholic Church. Mass was in Latin, so I didn't get anything out of our Sunday Church except the few minutes the priest would give a sermon. And the sermon's were for the grown ups, not a kid at 12 years old. I was taught by nuns and we had religion for one hour a day, but that composed of stories in the bible - the Old Testament. I could tell her stories, but I couldn't tell her about the Catholics. I went to church with her once in a while and the man running the show would always say something negative about Catholics. He greeted us at the door, so I suppose that dig was for me, but it just made me not like anything to do with Mormon's. LeaAnn also said at the end of time the earth would erupt and would be on fire and only the Mormons would be saved. She said they'd rise, even from their graves, and hover over all us sinners and watch us burn as Jesus Christ greeted them. It scared the hell out of me. I talked to a Bishop in her church about becoming a Mormon, but he said I was too young and would have to get my parent's permission, which I knew would be impossible. And I really liked being a Catholic anyway.

So, the fight between LeaAnn and I had started on Sunday and today was Monday. I rode the Catholic bus and came home before LeaAnn. I was watching out my living room window for her to come clomping down the hill. I knew we would make up and life as I knew it would be restored. I saw her walking with her books, down the hill, where my home was and I went outside and picked at the bushes along the street. LeaAnn called to me and I, excitedly, ran to her. She had a cold look on her face and she just handed me an envelope and walked off. Oh no! I turned and walked to my house and into the bedroom I shared with my older sister. She wasn't home from high school yet. I had time to read the letter before she came in. I tore it open, to find 4 pages inside. I pressed the folded papers open and was greeted by a huge black announcement on the top of the first page. It said "I HATE JEANNE PENNER". Below was the number 1 with a period, followed by LeaAnn's full name. Below that was a number 2 with a period followed by a name. I quickly read all the signatures, all 50 of them. We were in seventh grade and I was use to stories about LeaAnn's friends at public school. Their names were on it. So many, many names. And we just had the stupid fight yesterday, so she was able to take this horrific announcement around between breaks in class and have the 50 kids sign it. I tried being stoic, but a huge sob came out of my body, followed by more and it was so bad that I was hyperventilating while crying.

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